You are just 2 weeks old.
Still so tiny and new yet I feel like I have known you always. I have been living in the newborn bubble, where I am still amazed that I made you and that you are here and safe. I am also amazed by you – your tiny feet, your giant eyes, your wrinkly forehead and your little button nose, and how much you look like your brother. From the moment I held you, those dormant instincts kicked in – how to look after a newborn. I have been awash with patience and joy since the second I met you. I have loved every minute in the depths of the night just watching you and getting to know you. Your big eyes taking it all in. The moments when you look right at me and I feel like I could burst.
This bubble is mainly facilitated by your wonderful father, who has looked after us all every day since you arrived. I can tell he is proud of me for bringing you into this world and he shows it by keeping your brother entertained whilst I doze on the sofa and giving us space to cuddle and feed. He brings me a drink each time a feed you, a silent acknowledgement that he knows it is hard work and he is proud of me for doing it. He feeds us, keeps the house tidy and allows me to bond with you, my tiny newborn, as he knows that is exactly what we need.
I have watched your big brother be utterly fascinated by you, peering into your crib as his face lights up. He kisses you and calls you ‘baby’. I feel I could cry tears of happiness every time this happens and it happens every day. Sometimes he is too eager to get to you and I have to remind him to be gentle and that you are only small. We have turned his world upside down and I am so proud of how he has reacted to you. He loves you as much as I do.
Soon my bubble will burst. Paternity leave will be over which means I will look after you both on my own. I know it is going to be hard work – and I will use these precious moments to fuel me through the difficult days where sleepless nights have built up and toddler tantrums seem impossible to deal with. I will remind myself how lucky I am to be a mother to two brilliant boys. Every day I will try harder and try to be better. I hope I can be enough for both of you and remember the way I have felt these last two weeks.
Invincible, because you are both mine.